Holler!!

Guess what...

I know...me too.

My Beloved Beastie Boy...

Anyone that knows me, knows I love the Beastie Boys. Love them. Especially Adam Yauch...

My love for hoodies and hip hop began when I was 16. It was 1984 and I was outside of the SDSU Amphitheater listening to the Beastie Boys perform for the first time. They were the opening act for Madonna.

I've seen the Beastie Boys perform every time they've been to San Diego. From the 2nd row, in my short sexy black skirt in 1986, when I was 18...to taking my son to see them for his first time, when he was 7.

I don't ever write about deaths and the effect they have on me...but for sure I grew up with them. With him...since he was my favorite (I'm into front men and founders...apparently). Their music brings back the fondest memories of growing up...when things around me were changing and I was becoming a woman. It is a sad day for me...a girl that loves Hip Hop. Rest in peace my beloved Beastie Boy...

xo gina

Guess what...

What are you grateful for?

I'm grateful for my whole life...all of it :)

KONY 2012

I'm just one person who has thousands of friends all over the world. I don't ask you for much...but today I'm asking you to watch this video if you haven't already. It's only 30 minutes long. It reminds me of how small the world is...and that we are more alike than we are different. We all have a beating heart. We all breathe the same air. We are all human. And we are also powerful when we stand together. So please stop what you're doing at some point today to watch this. Thank you :)

 

 

 

Listen up...

I'm back Hooker!!  KNOW THAT...

The Bench

Christmas afternoon, I took the kids to Coronado.  We walked along the beach and I came across this.  This bench is right in from of the Hotel Del facing the beach.  Four years ago Mario and I sat at this bench...

The kids were with Annette for the weekend, and I remember being so excited to have my husband all to  myself.    Yay no kids for the night!!  We can stay up late and sleep in.  And best of all, spend time together.  It was so nice to wake up next to my husband...just us...and not have to worry about breakfast or answering questions.  I remember that we made dinner together that night and watched a movie...my favorite thing ever.  And then the next morning, we took Rocco for a walk in Coronado.

Moments alone with my husband were not frequent.  Kids, work, life and everything else would get in the way.  So I was thrilled that we were actually doing something outside of the house.  I remember sitting down here with him.  We stopped so Rocco could rest a bit.  We sat, talked and then there was silence.  It was such a beautiful morning.  Everything was right about it.  The sun, the blue sky, the sound of the ocean, and the scent of the cool air.  It felt like perfection.  Yet, I knew that I was sad.  I remember feeling happy inside to be with Mario.  But then sad because as much as I knew that this was exactly where I wanted to be in the whole wide world, to be with him...just him...I knew that he didn't feel the same.  Deep down inside I knew it.  I remember telling myself that.  I remember telling myself not to listen to the voice I heard in my head, and to ignore how my heart hurt.  And that on the outside we appear to be the perfect couple with the perfect children and the perfect little doggy.  The handsome man that sat beside me loves me, loved me.  But I knew that something just wasn't right...

I'm not sure why I always comeback to this subject of Mario and my marriage.  I have healed and I have truly moved on.  I haven't been sad for a long time.  And my life feels good at this very moment.  Yesterday was Christmas and I had a wonderful time with my children here at the beach.  This bench reminded me of a beautiful moment and a sad moment all in one.  But it also reminded me that I am more the person I want to be today, then I have been in the last 15 years.  That tragedy, sorrow and pain can happen to you and you can survive it.  That you can learn from it, grow and move on.  After my last couple of posts, I didn't think I would revisit this.  But its a part of me...and it always will be. What is amazing is that I can walk by this bench now...and feel good about me.

xo gina

What iWant...

 

10.27.11

Today is 3 years that I’ve been a single woman.  As I looked back to the day I left the home I shared with my family…it used to make me so sad.  I couldn’t see my future and all I could do was think about how I could make things better and how they used to be.  I had to face the fact of all the change and how things would be different….no more family movie night,  no more putting make up on in my bathroom while Amina came in to talk to me, no more sitting on the couch with my doggy, no more having a husband and a man in my life.  Throughout these 3 years I have gone through a transition and it is still an ongoing process of change. I’ve had to learn to forgive and love myself, to be patient, and that life will take its natural course.  I had to trust in God…that He would lead me to a place of peace and hope.  And I had to finally give myself the chance to let go of my marriage.  Even though I left…I still wanted him back.  But what I discovered was that I was more in love with the idea of what I thought my marriage was.  Deep down I knew that our love wasn’t the love I dreamed of.  Yes…I’m a girl who wants that…inconvenient, REAL, and ridiculous LOVE. 

 

I’m on a journey of love…here’s where its taken me…

 

Since I’ve been single I’ve met a few men who’ve changed me…

 

The European – He showed me that I can believe and hope for love again.  That I’m deserving of it. "Beautiful can be anywhere..."

 

The Hunk – He made me feel sexy again…and showed me that I’m capable of loving another man.  And I can have physically what I want.

 

The Handsome Man – He showed me that there is such a thing as a man who’s masculine and sexy…but also sensitive, kind, considerate and humble.

 

I’m that girl that if I have one man on my mind…no other man has a chance with me.  However, each of these men weren’t really meant for me to be with.  Once I let go “something amazing happened” and another man would be in my life.  When things didn’t work out naturally..yes I was hurt…yes I was sad.  I was mostly appreciative for what came to the surface, what I uncovered…that those relationships weren’t meant to be.  Because it showed me that…it doesn’t have to be that hard.  The one that is going to be lucky enough to have me…will Love Me for Me.  I don’t need to change anything…about me or about him.  So…I’m just here…holding space…loving me and watching my life unfold.

 

I’m not in a hurry for Love because I know it will find me.  And whoever he is…the lucky man will have the best of me.

xo - gina

A Hurdle in the Path of "Amazing"

 

I have been thinking about what to write on my blog for a long time. And I knew that I wanted to share with you all for a long time about what is going on in my life other than a “stat” update…but I just wasn’t sure.

This morning I woke up to a message in my FB inbox from a lovely friend who is heartbroken over the ending of her marriage. She is faced with the fact that she has to move on but is so sad about the finality of everything. She knows it’s the right thing but is so unsure. Here is my message back to her…

Sister...your message touched my heart! You are on the right track if you feel this is the right thing. I am right there with you…I do feel exactly how you feel. You are not alone for sure!! My husband and I still haven’t filed any papers and have been separated for 2 ½ years.

Well first off I would say, that you are totally right. You have to finish one chapter of your life before you can begin to start a new one. And as much as it is painful to say goodbye to that marriage…there are amazing things that will be coming your way. The best thing about this is that you can now spend time really finding out your purpose and what you want for your life. There is a love out there for you sister…and when you love yourself and have opened up yourself to the possibility of the greatest love you can dream of…it will arrive. I truly believe that. That is the place that I am in right now. It haunts me that I haven’t started any paperwork and neither has my husband…and I know we both know that it is completely over….and we still love each other and are friends. We will always care for each other like you and your ex. My gut tells me that there is something else out there for me…and right now the important thing is to move forward in the best way that I can.

I’m in my own apartment…and it has been a struggle…financially and emotionally. But I’m going to be okay…I believe that. Being on my own has given me a new freedom, confidence and inner peace. Overall I am happy and I feel harmony in my life. What I didn’t expect from being in my cute bachelorette pad is that all of a sudden…a HUGE CLOUD OF LONELINESS will swarm over me. And I would get sad…sad about being alone, not dating anyone and not having a partner. I felt like I needed to escape from that sadness…and to run away from it. But then I realized…I can push through this. So I just let the feelings come over me…and during that time I write in my gratitude journal. Or I close my eyes and I just feel that sad feeling. I have learned that the worst thing I could do is ignore it. I’ve learned to “be”. If I’m sad…then so “be” it…it will eventually pass. Learning how to feel the sad emotions has been a way for me to try to make sense of what is happening right now in my life. I’m single, I’m 42 and my life is amazing. I just decided that I’m not going to let that small moment of sadness take anything away. What I want you to know is that sometimes we have to go through pain to learn something or to make our lives better. Pain isn’t always a bad thing. It’s a lesson in disguise. It’s just another door to push through to get to the sparkle in your life that is waiting for you. A hurdle in the path of “AMAZING.”

What you may not realize is that you are already headed in that direction. Give yourself credit for coming this far…you are BOLD and BRAVE!! It’s a BEAUTIFUL THING!!

All my love, gina